I Feel Just Like I'm Sinking And I Claw For Solid Ground

I haven't felt this low in a long time, and monday night was about the worse night of it all. Talk about not feeling wanted. I mean, why the fuck did i stay around, i should have just left when i said i was going to, but instead i stay to please other people. To make sure that people knew not of what i was going through. Which still didn't work because i wasn't smiling, and i couldn't. What am i supposed to do? Fake smile to please other people? Bull shit. I need a break from all this already, and i've only been back for a week. How bad is that?! But at least i'll be cheered up hopefully at the weekend. This feeling of loss, is like someone has died, which of course they haven't and this feeling of wanting what i can't have (only a stone's throw away) is also depressing me. Being confused also about life in general is a bummer. Confusion has been the root of my childhood, and now finally in adulthood, i'm unable to shake it - what CAN i do to get rid of it. I can't talk about things, because i don't do that kind of thing. Even to myself. Especially to myself. Something that happened a long time ago, i've only just been able to except, Uni has finally made me realise this. Life is hard. Life is shit. But it's worth living, because there is nothing better.